Swirls and chaos

Genesis 1:2a The earth was without form and an empty waste, and darkness was upon the face of the very great deep.

This is how I feel now. This formlessness and emptiness and darkness describe my inner terrain right now.

I was made from this earth and I feel what it feels.

For thus says the Lord–Who created the heavens, God Himself, Who formed the earth and made it, Who established it and did not create it to be a worthless waste; He formed it to be inhabited–"I am the Lord, and there is no one else" (Isaiah 45:18).

God has a purpose for this earth, though it did not start out so well, looking like a swirling mass of chaos. God made something out of it: this planet on which we live.

Maybe God has a purpose for me, too.

No words but prayer

This is how prayer meetings work in our church. Someone, usually a pastor, sometimes a pastor in training, goes to the front and leads a short devotional. Then, soft music is played, and prayer points are flashed onscreen to guide you along in case you run out of things to say.

At first we did it Wednesday mornings, then Tuesday mornings, then evenings, and then in week-long fasts. Now CCF does it thirty minutes before Sunday service. An incentive to come early.

I've attended a number of these and it felt to me a little silly that I would read what's on screen to God as if He were illiterate.

I did something different today, arriving twenty minutes before the three PM service. This was brought upon by an urgent need. I even gave God a little preamble while I was on the escalator: "I'm here to talk to You, something I don't do often. Prepare Your ear for a pent-up mouthful."

But as I sat down, compelled by great unspoken need, as the first prayer point to Worship God was flashed, I was overwhelmed and couldn't speak. Too great was my confusion and deep my pain that there were no words for it.

And so wordlessly I sent God love and worship, similar I guess to the way I would send healing thoughts for an ailing loved one. And so on for the next slide with prayer for the nation, for the church, for family... No words, but prayer.

The slide showed a prayer to request for conviction for unconfessed sin, and God impressed upon my heart how self-sufficient I am and don't depend on Him at all. The only time I spoke: with my mouth I confessed my sins. The last slide was a prayer for personal concerns, but by then I already knew that God knows my needs before I ask, and I can just continue to sit there and be with Him. At that point I just handed Him my heart, the heart He created, now black and bruised and calcified because of my rebellion, and He began to gently massage and soothe it.

If the Bible were written as a novel

I have tried and failed many times to follow-through with daily Bible reading guides that promised to help me read every word of Scripture in 365 days. The only exemption is Cover to Cover, a chronological plan by Selwyn Hughes and Trevor J Partridge. I have never been able to reread the Bible through after that.

I've tried My Utmost for His Highest, Our Daily Bread, the study plans on YouVersion. Nothing sticks, or, I don't stick to them. I tried reading Bible Promises, all that. I just can't seem to recapture the magic of reading the Grand Story.

Although, when I try to use Cover to Cover again, I feel dutiful, religious. No passion there. No love. No excitement. Dead.

So I stopped reading the Bible for a while.

The thing is, I have reread many several books in my life, favourites of mine, which I feel are treasures. Books I refer to over and over again, and I base workshops on. And I have tons of fiction, novels, that I read so deeply that the characters are alive for me. I am a slow and deep reader. I digest plot slowly. And when I am at the last few chapters of a book, I intentionally read out loud, so I spend longer with the book. The book is a friend and I don't want it to go away so soon.

So, I thought, why can't I read the Bible like a novel? One chapter bit of a story a day before moving to the next. Not dutifully gulping up more than I can chew or swallow because it's the prescribed number of verses to read that day. That leaves me with spiritual indigestion, and then I don't want to read anymore.

Let's read the Bible piecemeal. Let's read it like it were any other book. Let's find out who this main character is, this God. Let's judge this God by his/her actions and words and how he/she related to the Hebrew people.

So, today is Day 1. And if the Bible were written as a novel, this few verses will make the preface.

Preface

 

In the beginning, before all time, was the Word., and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself. He was present originally with God.

 

Before the mountains were brought forth or ever You had formed and given birth to the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting You are God.

 

In the beginning God prepared, formed, fashioned, and created the heavens and the earth.

 

(John 1:1-2, Psalm 90:2, Genesis 1:1, AMP)

Peace ingredients

And may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [separate you from profane things, make you pure and wholly consecrated to God]; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved sound and complete [and found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah).

1 Thessalonians 5:23 AMP

It seems peace is a by-product of purity, of being so fully set apart by and for God. So if I wanted to experience peace, I need to come to Jesus and ask to be purified by His blood, which cleanses all of me: body, soul, and spirit.

I do know my body had been given over to strange appetites. I say this of my past. I have not been faithful in being a living sacrifice. I am not so sure about the status of my soul and spirit, but who's to say my current feeling of dis-ease and internalized, unspoken dread is not a telling factor?

There's no peace. Maybe because I haven't kept myself pure. Holy crap.

I need help, All-Good God, All-Possible God. I need Your help.

If I were president...

If I were president of the Philippines, I'll remove tax obligations on artists. I'd say they feed the soul of the nation, and so dancers, musicians, theatre practitioners, novelists and poets and painters won't be taxed for doing their work.

I'll put premium on the arts and the sports in educational programs.

I'll focus on agriculture, and restoration of natural resources to our country.

I'd bring back the death penalty for all rapists, child abusers, drug lords, and corrupt politicians.

Go ahead. Give me the next ten minutes. Write ten laws you would decree if you were president or prime minister of your country.

One of my disciplers, Mel Santos, told me once that the laws you create say a lot about you and what you value. Take a look at your list. What do you value?

God gave us the Ten Commandments. Bong Saquing, in the past few weeks from the CCF pulpit, reiterates that the premise of these pronouncements is that we are now wedded to God. Married to God we belong to Him, we carry His name, are now set apart from Him. He has taken us out of our personal Egypts and onto this journey towards the Promised Land.

The first four commandments show that God takes this exclusive relationship seriously. No looking for other gods. No making or inventing our own gods, either. No shaming His name. And once a week we must spend a date with Him.

What does this tell you about your Lover?

The next six commandments show us how to treat the people in our lives. Honour your parents. And honour others: don't lie, kill, cheat on your spouse, steal, etc.

So, this God honours us. He honours humanity, and expects me to reflect His heart towards others. Now I get what Jesus said: "Love God. Love others." Those are the laws.

Our God is a God of love and honour. We love and honour Him; we love and honour others. Not entirely easy. I'll need God's hand to do this.