The love of many

Jesus spoke of the end times: "And the love of the great body of people will grow cold because of the multiplied lawlessness and iniquity" (Matthew 24:12). I don't know if that prophecy included people from the church, but I do think it applies to me. My love has grown cold toward God. And when one's love for God grows cold, it negatively affects one's love for one's family and church. I don't even mind skipping church these past few weeks (although we didn't really. We did attend church, but my heart wasn't in it).

I used to think Jesus was thinking of me when he told the Prodigal Son story. I used to think that a lot when I was a new Christian, a new convert to the faith. Jesus looked into the future and imagined me, and told the ancient Jews that story.

Now, older but not necessarily wiser, I feel that my love for Jesus has, after years in the relationship, not grown more fervent, but actually waned. I admit this now here because it's the truth. I'm not in love with Him any more.

So, to arrest the situation, I thought of several programs. I bought The Lion Handbook to the Bible and thought I shall read one section of it each day, along with a short passage from the Bible. Surely reading the Bible would rekindle the fire of my heart.

After a few days I dropped out of that program. It felt dutiful, and dutiful makes me feel sleepy and bored. I haven't gotten past the story of Noah. Well, not even the middle of it. Where I'm at he and his family are still floating somewhere in the ark. The dove has yet to fly; the rainbow to yet to mark the sky.

Neither The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith nor Sex God by Rob Bell helped ignite my passion for the Christ. I couldn't even go past the first chapter of to-dos and to-thinks.

At a whim I purchased Oswald Chambers's My Utmost for His Highest, that great devotional classic. Surely, I thought, this will all be legalistic stuff and will make me feel really bad about my current state of heart and shrink farther from Christ. This edition was updated in today's language by James Reinmann.

Apparently, Chambers did not write this book. It was transcribed by his wife who was a court stenographer during his sermons.

Already I can see why the book is such a classic. It doesn't give you a list of to-dos or to-bes to become a better Christian. Instead it constantly points you to the Person of Christ. Jesus, the Person. Jesus, the Lover. Jesus, the King. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Chambers was obsessively in love with Jesus, and I was getting a bit jealous. Wasn't I like this before?

It is March. I didn't even start on first page, for the 1st January entry. I went right to the March entries, whatever date it was I first began to read it. At first it didn't resonate much, but like gentle osmosis, I found myself thinking about the insights in the book. And I find myself entertaining the thought that this Jesus is worth my attention again.

Let's see where all of this leads. I'll keep you all posted.

Week 5 on Money Drunk / Money Sober

Week Five on Money Drunk / Money Sober is The Money Map: The Recovery of Accuracy

You are supposed to make a tally on an Excel sheet of all your expenditures from week to week for the first four weeks. This is where all your Counting lists become handy. The Money Map is supposed to give you information where you are (mis-)spending your money.

I must tell you, after weeks of accumulating Counting data, this work is tedious. It is recommended from hereon that you tally your expenditures at the end of each week.

Because we get paid at day job every other Friday, I made Friday the start of my Counting Week. I have so far tallied two weeks. And if you make a mistake it's a little frustrating. The goal is accuracy, after all.

I use google docs to keep my counting and money map records. Hopefully this really helps point me to a better way of using money.

The Money Drunk, week five

I have been reading Money Drunk Money Sober by Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan for five weeks now, and meticulously counting my money as one of their exercises.

In week three, they list a series of twenty-nine questions in a fearless inventory of one's money behaviors.

I'm a little behind--as in everything else--with my reading, and I did commit to reading one chapter a week in this book as I go through twelve weeks of recovering sobriety in my finances.

As for the week three Inventory list, I can't answer all the questions in one go, and I intend to simply answer one each day. Let me answer question number 2 here.

List five efforts you have made to control your spending.
I don't think I can list five efforts. Maybe at most, three.

First, the Counting exercise described in the book, where you list down all monies in and out. Spent and earned. Sometimes the very act of listing a would-be outrageous and impulsive purchase arrests the act before the money leaves my hand.

Second, Journaling, also described in this book. Like breathing and walking meditation, writing about a need to buy something helps me look at it squarely and objectively. It's similar to the walk-away principle. If I want something, I walk away from it and let the impulse pass for a few days. If after a while I still think about the item, then maybe I really do want it and must make space in my budget for it.

Third, allotting ten percent of my paycheck for book fund, another ten percent for theatre fund, and another ten for gadgets fund. I can't spend more than that, and if the item is a little more than the ten percent, I need to wait till next income till I get enough money to buy the item.

Okay, the above behaviors do not always work, especially around the purchase of books. I love books. Hardbounds of my favorite authors. Hard-to-find first editions. Yeah. I can walk away from gadgets, clothes, spas... but bookstores. Oh, boy. Boy oh boy.