I think one horrible mistake the church has become is to turn itself into a chic society of spiritual conformity. What do I mean?

In this world of postmodern existentialism, where “What works for you works for you and what works for me works for me” is the mentality, and the politically correct response is to tolerate other people’s behaviors and beliefs, Christians are called to stand apart.

Christians do that by behaving, well, as “Christian” as they could, however they define what that is. No one wants to be conformed to the world. The Apostle Paul warned against that. Now what is a Christian anyway? And how are we supposed to behave? That’s the question the 21st century church needs to tackle.

And so we turn the other cheek while we clench our fist behind our backs. We critique the pastor in the guise of spiritual wisdom from above: “He doesn’t see… The pastor has a blind side…” and in the meantime we cheat our neighbors in our convoluted sense of justice. We put on perfume every Sunday and meet our dgroups and conform to outward behaviors. We don’t curse, swear, smoke, drink; and we shun those who do. We do our best to obey the “each other” commands.

“Pray for each other” becomes Please pray for John and Mary. I heard from Jesse their marriage is not following God’s design lately and I am just so concerned…

“Love each other” becomes Oh, the Lord sent me word that family is priority because that’s how Christians are — and so the struggling for sanity single mother forgoes any plans to complete her bachelor’s degree because she won’t be a good Mom.

“Give to each other” becomes I gave millions to this church building and so I deserve at least a good parking slot and 5-star pampering from ushers.

We avoid what might corrupt our good characters: LGBT, smokers, drug addicts, drunkards… and instead attend Bible studies where we learn that the Holy One when he worked the earth hung out with prostitutes, tax collectors, lepers and social outcasts. We take to Facebook and Twitter and post verse after verse after verse. That feels so good.

I was guilty of such conformity mentality. In my all-too-human need to belong, to be part of the crowd, to be accepted, I tried my best to swallow my opinions, to bite my tongue, to be dutiful, to practice spiritual disciplines. And then I wonder, “How come there’s no passion? No joy? No life?” Dangerous questions… so nobody asks it in chic conformity fellowships.

And if even you hint at these conditions they have the remedy for you: Sala, Ravi, this or that conference, this or that devotional, booklet, manual, program, conference. See, the Joneses practice all these principles. Aren’t they so Christian? Let’s conform to them.

And the soul has checked out. The heart no longer responds. Nothing in the inner man resonates with David or Jeremiah or Zacchaeus or Habakkuk. No soul to cry out to the Lord. No heart that pines for him.

Where is the church that the broken find solace in? Where is the church where we can bury our face in our hands and cry out, “O God, have mercy upon me, a sinner?” Job said he would face God in court. Habakkuk said he won’t budge from the watchtower until he meets with God. Jacob won’t let go and wrestle until dawn and clings. He clings. I wonder if they can feel welcome in the 21st century megachurch? O wait… you have to leave. Parking’s full, please park elsewhere, the next service is about to begin. Please pour your heart out in your dgroup instead, thank you, there’s a café outside, enjoy!

I have seen this all wrong. I have made this mistake. I have fallen. I was too focused on sounding, appearing, behaving a Christian as defined by other Christians that I have forgotten to ask the real question: what is a Christian? Who can really say but the Holy Spirit who are really His?

All it took to be a Christian is God’s grace. We drank from grace’s fount for dear life when we found it. Then walked away from it and tried to conform to remain a Christian. It’s like we have no need for grace anymore, just public approval.

It’s a matter of the heart. And here’s my challenge to myself. The next time I read the New Testament, I won’t see those commands as laws to fulfill. Instead they are where I can scrub my heart until its real, down there. “Be self-controlled, be honorable, be upright…” all these must be a heart issue, not an outward conformity mold. After all, Jesus did not turn away that man who said, “I do believe! Help my unbelief.”

Maybe the father still runs to embrace his wasteful and disobedient son, even in 2016. Maybe even after 2000 years, that dad in Luke 15:20 still waits patiently for his return, arms ready to welcome his son back.